Spanish Class Views on America

23 January, 14

Do you remember when you were in junior high, and a juicy bit of gossip circulated the school with something approaching Warp Four? Nothing would stop this tidbit tidal wave from flooding the banks of every corner of every room in the school. The worst part was most of it wasn't true, but truth has never been an important pursuit in junior high.

Bad news quickly congeals from liquid opinion to solid fact. Only time and exposure can erode the new crystalline structure, or sometimes it is shattered by the truth.

For the Spanish the public face of Spain is her government, futbol, festivities and food. Charity, foreign relations and international affairs of almost all types get funneled through the official channels. Futbol, festivities and food form the blanket on which the Spanish society rests, but you would never experience the beauty and complexity of that blanket, unless you actually traveled to Spain. So what we see from America is a sleepy little country with a few strange customs, like running down a street with a bunch of angry bulls.

When the Spanish people look at America, they see the federal government, sports, television and movies. What kind of picture does that paint? It's a little scary, regardless of your political affiliations or beliefs.

• The government does not care about its people, because we don't provide health care. Spaniards think people are dying in the streets, as seen on TV.
• The whole country is filled with obese hoarders, as seen on TV.
• If we don't like you, we will invade your country and take over. More dying in the streets, as seen on TV.
• Our cities are all dangerous, gang-infested, drug-riddled, poverty-filled cesspools of corruption, as seen on TV.
• The Kardashians and Honey Boo Boo are normal, everyday Americans, as seen on TV. They don't even know about Duck Dynasty yet.
• Everybody has a gun, as seen on TV. Actually I have reinforced this one, just in case they get a wild idea to invade us.

We know nothing about Spain, because we don't visit.

Spaniards don't want to visit the USA, because they think they already know everything about us, based on what we broadcast to the world.

It is a difficult cultural divide to cross, and the bridges are easily damaged or broken. President Obama suffers bouts of insomnia, knowing our family is here to represent the United States.

That sets the scene for Susan and me attending Spanish language classes. At church we met a guy who works for a private Spanish language school. It is expensive, but very good. After only three weeks, Susan and I have absorbed a great deal of information. We can already understand people on the street much better than before. It's a good thing we waited six months to start learning the language, don't you think?

The class is composed of five students and the teacher. For two weeks, we also had a teacher-in-training. The other classmates hail from Brazil, China and Germany, which makes the whole thing very interesting. Both of our teachers are from Murcia, but the trainee is from Cartagena, which gave me an opportunity to make a little joke. In a previous blog, I shared how people from the capital make fun of people from Cartagena and vice versa. Every time I encounter a Cartagenero, I feel obliged to use my insider knowledge and call them aladroques, a pejorative term deriving from a type of useless fish. David, the trainee, did not take the bait so well, based on facial expressions, but not to worry. He was a trainee and couldn't really say anything. Another great cultural exchange. You're welcome, America.