Swimming with the fishes

20 March, 14

Susan and I just took our written driving tests. If we pass, we take the practical test next. Spain has the reputation for the hardest exam and the worst drivers in Europe. I can vouch for both.

In a delicious irony, we drove our own car to the exam, taking two other students with us. The owner of the autoescuela drove three other students in his car. Evidently he just recently retired as a Formula One driver. We broke every single law that we had been so diligently studying for the past several weeks. He drove like a moonshiner with a Texas bubble gum machine hot on his tail. We darted in and out traffic, ran red lights, skirted around buses and basically gave the bird to Spanish law. By the time we got to the test site, we didn't care a wit about the exam. We just wanted to take a knee and give thanks for God's provision in letting us survive.

I have decided that driving in Spain is more akin to a school of fish. The scooters are like anchovies. They dart in and out with reckless abandon, with no obvious recognition of the other fish in the area. Cars are groupers or mullet, plodding along, keeping a wary eye out for barracuda.

The buses are whales that suck up huge loads of plankton at every stop. Now that I have this image in my mind, it doesn't bother me as much when a little anchovy goes darting by. There is a not-so-small piece of my heart, though, that is secretly waiting for a shark to come along and gobble up one of them. It's awful, I know, but that's the way of the sea.

The exam is 30 questions, out of a pool of about 4,000. That is not an exaggeration. We have memorized the whole freaking book, all 16 chapters. I can tell you about every road sign, light ordinance and right of way in Spain. I know where cattle should walk, alone or in groups. I know the difference between ciclomotores and motociclistas. I have a complete understanding for what constitutes a motorized vehicle and what is a non-motorized vehicle. Scooters and trains are non-motorized vehicles. Go figure that one out.

We have digested this great body of knowledge with 8-10 other students, all gathered around our teacher, Mercedes, who does not have a driver's license. She is passionate about her work and a good teacher. When she speaks, it sounds like a machine gun. Even the natives have trouble understanding her sometimes. By her own admission, she is also dyslexic, so she has to maintain a steady focus on what she is doing, or she gets lost.

Our fellow students are mostly young, 18-25 years old. When we started school, they all appeared to me to be a bunch of snotty-nosed brats, who would rather cut up or hook up than listen to the teacher. We slowly grew, however, into a family. Dani gave me a big bear hug after the exam. He was so amped up, he could barely walk. Before the test, the girls all had expressions of fear and doubt, so we tried to soothe their worried minds.

Susan is stick-a-fork-in-me done with the whole thing. Going to school has wrung her dry, because she doesn't have an opportunity to decompress. We literally go from language school to lunch to autoescuela. It is a grueling day. What makes it harder is that she can't go to her art classes, which have been such a nice getaway for Susan. This is the last week of class, however, so she should be able to get some peace.

The positive side is that we have a deeper understanding for what our girls face everyday.  This whole immersion learning thing is a bear. I am so proud of what Elizabeth and Katherine have accomplished so far. They can both speak and read a fair amount of Spanish.

One day, all of this will come together-living in Spain, learning a new language, experiencing different cultures, getting a driver's license. It better make sense, or I'm going to ask for my money back.