Fireworks

7 October, 13

I was born a Sandlapper. Down in South Carolina, fireworks are abundantly available to anybody that can fog a mirror and pay. Evidently the rest of the USA doesn't allow such reckless frivolity, because at every major highway crossing the SC state line, you will find a Black Cat fireworks stand, the most obnoxious one being Pedro's South of the Border in Dillon. You can view Pedro's billboards from Cuba to Canada on I-95. They get the kids so lathered up, you just gotta stop, but it's kind of like a politician--a lot of pomp and circumstance along the way, but very little delivery on the back end.

We used to shoot off fireworks all the time back home. We would while away many hours throwing bottle rockets and shooting Roman candles at each other. One of my favorite activities was to play chicken with a firecracker. The basic rules were to hold on as long as you could, letting go just before the big bang. This is particularly thrilling in the colder months, when your fingers are numb. I really cannot understand why these other states have outlawed fireworks. That's probably why we have a generation of mushy Nintendo kids, instead of firecracker warriors. I ask you which is a better use of opposable thumbs--firecracker chicken or Halo 5? My mama always said, "That TV will fry your brain." Now all you can do is give the little 3 year olds those balls of fire we call sparklers.

Fireworks are illegal in Spain, too. In fact, that is the case in most all of Europe. Somewhere, however, there has to be a Pedro's, because the chicos have been cutting loose with some thunder-makers lately. These fireworks make M-80s and Cherry Bombs sound like little kiddie pop guns. This is the stuff you go to see at Clemson Homecoming.

I finally figured it out.

Our town is having a festival over the next two weeks, and part of it involves setting off fireworks. Even the church got into it. This morning at 7AM, yep 7AM, the church starting ringing all their bells and setting off fireworks to beat the band. For a good solid 30 minutes. So we had kids at midnight blowing up the park for about 30 minutes, then the church this morning. Not the kind of sleeping aids I was looking for.

I am not sure why the church started setting off fireworks as part of a religious celebration. I think there once was a crazy old redneck monk one time that said something like, "Hey, y'all watch this!" He was probably trying to catch some fish. (If you're not a redneck, you won't get that.)

Of course we do have a lot to celebrate within the Church, and I am willing to bet that attendance on Sunday mornings would skyrocket, if we used a little fireworks display every now and then. I guess if you really believe in what you're preaching, you probably should cut loose and let everybody know about it in a really big way. Make some noise and celebrate! Heck, in most USA churches, you can't even clap. No wonder people don't want to come.

Fire 'em up preacher!!