The Redneck's Guide to Sports

31 October, 13

I have been playing a relatively new sport lately, called Padel. It was invented in the 1960's by Enrique Corcuera in Acapulco, Mexico. As you will see on the Map of Padel locations, the sport has caught on mostly in Spanish speaking countries. Argentina and Spain make up the vast majority of clubs and world champions.

If you have played, or even watched, doubles tennis, racquetball, squash or handball, you are ready to play Padel. It is intended to be played in a doubles format, which lends well to building relationships. You don't run as much as you would in tennis, because the court is smaller, and you can play the bounce off of the walls, like racquetball.

Like most things, I have jumped in whole hog. I bought a pala, bolas and zapatos

from the local sports store for about $100. That is my total investment in the sport.

I play with Julio, Alicia and a rotation of other players to fill in the fourth spot. Often it is Fede or Juan. Truthfully all three guys are just there in hopes that we can play on Alicia's team. She is a Padel monster. The other side counts it a great moral victory if they can return her serve, regardless of whether we actually get the point. Nobody has ever broken her serve. To win a set against her is akin to summiting Mount Everest. I would like to see Alicia and Becky playing together. They would take over the Padel world.

The game rewards control and court presence, which automatically puts me at a disadvantage. You must learn to read the walls and anticipate where the ball will be. The palas have holes in them, which allows for wicked spin as well.

My biggest asset in sports is hustle. I am like Pete Rose, without the ability to hit the ball. My daddy once told me, "Boy, you got a linebacker mind and kicker body." It is true. I desperately want to win at everything I do, but I seldom sip the champagne in winner's circle. A hard fought second place is usually what I get for my efforts. This makes me a popular opponent. Not really a threat to win, but a fun challenge. I am the Bluegill. Fun to fish, but nobody eats them.

That shouldn't engender any sympathy for me. I really do have fun in my own little competitive universe, and knowing I will never be the champion at anything keeps me from trying to take over the world. I would make a terrible emperor, but maybe I could be the governor of a smaller state...