Waiting

1 October, 13

I hate to wait. Lines are inefficient and designed for cattle. I am not cattle. I am Wolf.

At wedding buffets, everyone comes to the reception and waits in a line that is 2 miles long, while Granny stews over whether or not to get the pickled beets, because you know how that affects her. 423 items on the buffet are not being touched. The carver is falling asleep in the corner. Bread is turning stale. Shrimp are walking off the table. Granny just can't decide.

Lines are logical and helpful. They get everybody occupied, tranquilized and paralyzed, while Wolf moves in for the kill. I grab a plate and dart in and out of the cattle, seizing my prey as I go. Chicken here. Something that looks like pâté there. Roast beef on toasted points and some horseradish. By the time the last person in line gets to the buffet, I have already picked it cleaned. Nothing there but pickled beets, cattle-boy.

Lines are great, as long as I have control of them. In fact most things in life are great, as long as I have control. I am sure I'm alone on that one.

What happens, though, when somebody else has control of the line? Chaos. Wolf doesn't know what to do. He shifts restlessly from paw to paw. He bays, scratches at the dirt. He gnaws at the cage.

Spain is one big line.

You can't get anything done around here without stopping at one of two places--the bank or a government office.

Generally speaking, our daily experience with banks in the US is pretty positive. You drive up. A teller attends to your needs within about 30-45 seconds, which, I know, seems like an eternity. She smiles and gives you a sucker. You drive off, happily whistling that Jimmy Buffet song that you love so much.

Not so in España, gentle reader. There ain't no drive-thru nothing. You walk in, like the rest of the little people. You stand in line. Sometimes you even have to take a number. And you wait. If all anybody did was cash paychecks and make deposits/withdrawals, this wouldn't be so bad. Nay, nay.

• You can't start school, without a trip to the bank.
• You can't get a cell phone, without a trip to the bank.
• You can't rent an apartment, without a trip to the bank.
• You can't get insurance, without a trip to the bank.
• You can't cop a squat, without a trip to the bank.

To compound the problem, you will NEVER find more than 2 employees in the bank. So more people have more reasons to go to the bank, yet the banks have less people to deal with the onslaught. Lines. And no sucker. Wolf is bearing his fangs.

Government offices are worse. Think about the DMV on a Monday morning. Now do that everyday over the course of a week, for every aspect of your life. 

As I stood in line one day, I came to realize that this was a nefarious plot on the part of dark forces deep within the Spanish government, or maybe the Illuminati, to mollify an entire population. It is a beautiful scheme, really. Tell the people they can have anything they want. All they have to do is go to this bank or that government office to process the paperwork. Simple. Evil.

Waiting is a millstone that grinds the kernel of productivity into the fine flour of complaisance. Wolf is now Society's lap dog, eating canned mush. It's really not that bad, once you get used to it...