23 November, 2013

Holiday Traditions

23 November, 13

Living in a foreign country can be pretty liberating sometimes. It is an opportunity to be "other than". You can try different foods, act a different way, explore different hobbies. It's kind of like building a real world avatar of yourself. The trouble is the avatar IS you, so old original self bumps into new different self at weird intersections. Holidays are one of those crossroads.

My first experience here with American holidays was Columbus Day. Now we all know how important that holiday is for us, right? I don't know of any particular tradition around it, other than everybody saying, "In 1492, Columbus sailed the ocean blue." We all congratulate ourselves on knowing an incredibly important date in American history, and making it rhyme, then we go back to work, because it's usually not even a day off. Unless you work for the government.

In Spain, this is a huge holiday, but not for Columbus. He, and America, is an afterthought. "Oh yeah, we discovered the Americas and totally dominated there for a couple hundred years. (yawn)" They celebrate the unification of Spain under Ferdinand and Isabella, the same set of royals that commissioned Columbus and that also drove out the Moors from Spain.

Halloween was an interesting experience as well. We decided to have a big party at our house and told everybody they had to have a costume to get in. Surprisingly most of the people complied, youth and adults. One parent told me that his child didn't have a Halloween costume, but he did have a Spiderman outfit, and he hoped that would be alright. They think you have to be scary to count as a Halloween costume. We gave candy to all the kids. At the end of the night, they were in a sugar-induced coma. Candy is not a part of their normal diet, not even for birthdays and holidays.

At school, they have a "Week of Terror" and decorate the hallways with spiderwebs, coffins, etc. Then they would have random people go screaming through the hallways and busting in classrooms, wearing scary masks. If that happened in the USA, somebody would be shot, and the whole school would be on lockdown for the rest of the day. News helicopters would circle overhead and the S.W.A.T. team would hustle into position. The funny thing is that, to the Spaniards, Halloween is an American holiday. They are getting their ideas from us. This is what they think we do for Halloween.

Susan and I decided to host some Thanksgiving meals, as a way of demonstrating our thanks to a few families that have helped us out in Spain so much. I have sampled every ort of food my friends have put in front of me. You know it's gonna be good, when they tell you to try something, but won't tell you what it is. Then they snicker conspiratorially, like a bunch of middle schoolers trying to get the new kid to run through Old Man Wilson's backyard, knowing he has a huge angry pit bull just waiting for a kid-sized snack.

Thanksgiving is our opportunity to introduce our friends to some American cuisine. Susan busted her tail cooking up a "for real, no holds barred" Thanksgiving feast. I ordered the turkey from Pepi.

Now keep in mind that our stove is just slightly bigger than an EZ Bake oven. Susan did a fantastic job on the whole meal. We had:


  1. Turkey
  2. Mashed potatoes
  3. Gravy
  4. Green Beans
  5. Stuffing
  6. Sweet potato casserole
  7. Homemade apple sauce
  8. Cranberry/pomegranate compote
  9. Apple pie
  10. Ice cream


The only thing that was store-bought was the ice cream on top of the apple pie. Everything else was from scratch. Susan rocked it. While she was cooking, I thought it best to get out of her way, so I played an intense game of padel. My only big job for the day was to get up close and intimate with the turkey, rubbing it down with olive oil and spices. We smoked a cigarette and watched Johnny Carson afterwards.

If you take a hard look at the menu, you will notice about 10 pounds of sugar. Items 1-5 are savory. The rest of the meal is sweet. And this is normal for us. "Us" being Americans. 

Our first family was Soledad and her three kids. We had an impressive display of food on the table, and Soledad wanted us to describe each dish. She had that look on her face that said, "I don't know what the hell I am about to eat, but I will keep this grin on my face the whole time, if it hairlips the President." It was funny to watch her reaction, as we described each item and 50% was sweet. She had a confused look, questioning in her mind why we had so many desserts and so little food. I think Soledad genuinely liked the meal. Her kids didn't go for much of the food, but they do love gravy. 

We have introduced Spain to a new way of life. Carbo loading a dessert for the main course. I guess our work here is done. 

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