Duality

31 December, 13

I have mentioned before that most people see me in one of two ways:

1. Very serious-minded.
2. Very jolly.

The truth is I am both, which makes for some interesting conversations in my head. Serious and funny often comes out as biting sarcasm. Seriously funny emerges as self-deprecating humor. I love to deprecate all over myself, particularly when masticating.

Moving to an entirely new culture has unleashed parts of me that were more or less safely held in check back in the States.

In America, I was the upstanding citizen: community volunteer, church elder. I was also mischievous and a little deviant, but that was usually under cover of darkness, with a select group of friends. The trick was to keep circles of relationships separate and distinct, to prevent one group from talking to the other. Every once in a while, those groups would intersect, which created some great Lucy Ricardo moments.

In Spain, I have no identity. I could import one of the old Dan’s or choose to forge a new one. In some ways I have reverted to my college days. I think this is due, in large part, to the fact that I have no major responsibilities. Basically, I just have to show up for “class”, which means trips to the market to buy groceries.

After a few months, I think I am ready to be Upstanding Citizen Dan or Entrepreneur Dan.  Opportunities abound for both, but the Entrepreneur costume seems to fit a little better right now.

So far, I have identified several needs in Spain. The BIG ONE is English translation for businesses. You can fall over and hit a poorly written web page. They look like Google Translate, with a mix of jibberish thrown in for good measure. My idea is to charge a flat fee per page. This is a job that I can do from anywhere. The next iteration would be to translate English pages to Spanish, but I will need to hone my Spanish quite a bit, before I can pull that one off.

Teaching English as a second language is another avenue. Right now, Susan and I volunteer teach a class of about 12 people. We are also about to enroll in formal Spanish classes, so we should be getting a good idea of how to do it. I think Business English would be fun, focusing on how to market goods and services to English speakers.

If I can get a Worker’s Visa, we will qualify for the Spanish health care system, which is excellent and free. 

So many directions lie before me. I am like a mosquito in a nudist colony. I know what to do; I just don't know where to begin.

Skid Marks

31 December, 13

When I was a little kid, I would walk up to total strangers and say, “My name is Dan Askins the TURD!” That always elicited a smile from the stranger, which, of course, encouraged me to do it more. The fact that I had a lisp and struggled to say, “third”, never even occurred to me.

My name has always been a source of great pride to me, even before I realized why. Being the first-born son conveyed the title upon me. I have found that living up to the office is a completely different undertaking. That would mean a perpetual cycle of endless struggle, magnificent failure and moments of success.

Granddaddy, Dan Askins, Sr., was on my mind over Christmas. He was always painfully ticklish. If you touched his side, he would automatically strike out with his arm, regardless of who was around. The trick was to stand on his left side and tickle him on his right, preferably when your brother or sister was available to be the recipient of the ensuing reflex punch from Granddaddy.

As I was unwrapping a Christmas present, I started to wad up the wrapping paper, in anticipation of throwing it at Granddaddy, while feigning innocence. He would always look around and try to figure out who did it, muttering his own special Popeye glossolalia under his breath.

I realized all over again, as I put the paper down, that I really missed my Granddaddy. His was a life well-lived, yet full of pain and tribulation at the same time. We shared many hours over breakfast at Shoney’s or driving to and from Valdosta, Georgia, where we rebuilt a hotel roof. My favorite thing to do with him was to drive down any street in Hartsville, SC and let him tell me which buildings he built over his career. He could name the original owner and the year it was completed, just like it was yesterday. Granddaddy left a mark. And that is the burden of my name.

I have felt the weight all my life. I want to leave a mark. I want to scratch a Grand Canyon across the landscape of history. I want to matter.

There will be two kinds of responses to the above statements:

1. Awwww, Dan. You already have made a difference! (Thanks Mama.)
2. I am choking back the vomit in my mouth right now, because you are so full of yourself, that it makes me sick, you miserable little Narcissus. (Thanks Becky and Susan.)

I suffer from Restless Life Syndrome. I can’t sit still, and the episodes seem to be occurring more frequently. I love the feeling of some new adventure. Peter Pan is in my blood, except for the green tights part. Susan has always been the one to sew my shadow back on, but in the process, I think she has been infected a little bit as well.  She is wandering about Spain, wondering what she is supposed to do when she grows up. I am wandering about Spain, wondering why you have to grow up.

While I do believe Spain is the right place for my family, I do not believe it is the place for me to make a mark. We are there for some kind of training, some kind of preparation. Spain is a paella-filled crucible. I guess there are worse ways to learn.

The Joy of Wining

16 December, 13

As I mentioned in a previous post, Juan wanted to take me to the area wineries in Jumilla. We finally got to go this past Saturday. What a trip!

I am starting to learn about Juan and his family. There is more to this tree than what you see above the ground. They have some pretty deep roots. We traveled about an hour to Jumilla, along some beautiful countryside that reminded me first of Arizona and New Mexico, then Northern California, as the amount of vegetation and crops started to increase. We passed acres and acres of fruit trees, terraced into the rocky landscape.

Our plan was to visit three wineries and buy some product for Christmas presents. Juan was only able to get us in on one visit, however, since we didn't call ahead. We ended up at Bodega San Isidro.

My first trip to Napa Valley was way back in 1992 on the Askins/Cloutier Graduation Road Trip. My college roommate, and I, drove 10,000 miles in 2 months and visited 22 states. It was my first big adventure. Of course, we didn't know boo about wine. In fact, neither of us drank. We were both teetotalers, but when you're in Napa Valley, you gotta imbibe a little...

Being total NOOB's we stopped at the biggest one, and the only one we knew. Ernest and Julio Gallo. That purveyor of fine wines since 1933. With offerings such as Carlo Rossi and Boone's Farm. Classy.

San Isidro was definitely better than ole E&J, but not by much. They are a cooperative, which means the local farmers all have a shared stake in the operation. I like that. It provides an economic incentive to do things well. They are a pretty big winery, but their focus tends toward the table wine end of the quality spectrum. I can't say that I blame them, as it makes them a lot of money. There are other wineries, however, that make some good stuff. I will be doing some in-depth research on these wineries soon.

The Jumilla region is famous for the Monastrell variety of grape. Older citizens complain that the new winemaking methods are producing "sissy-wine", because the alcohol content is only about 14%. With all the sunlight for this region, the sugar content in the grapes is much higher than in other regions. More sugar means more fermentation, which means more alcohol.

I learned some interesting things on the tour.

• They grow roses nearby, to act as the "canary in the cave." If the roses show aphids or other pests, then the grapes will soon be in danger. Evidently the pests prefer roses first, then grapes for dessert.
• Nothing goes to waste. The stems are mashed up and fed to goats. The leftovers after each process are squeezed out and then shipped off for other uses as well, such as dyes and cosmetics.
• Monastrell is a pie franco, which literally means "on its own feet". It has never been grafted with other grapes. All of Europe experienced a devastating Phylloxera louse infestation in the 1800's. The other varietals were subsequently grafted with American root stock, which was resistant to the louse. So all those French and Italian wine snobs are really just drinking jazzed up Boone's Farm, after all.
• Good wine comes in three grades here, determined by how long it is aged.
• Crianza is aged at least 2 years, including at least 6 months in oak barrels.
• Reserva is aged at least 3 years, including at least 1 year in oak.
• Gran Reserva is aged at least 5 years, including at least 18 months in the oak and 36 months in the bottle.
• Juan has a huge tolerance for alcohol. 

During our tour, we sampled four glasses of wine. After our tour, we had lunch with our new tour group buddies, which meant a couple of cervezas. Then, of course, you have to have an after dinner drink. Holy A.A., Batman! Let's just say my palette had become dull. Then we had a fiesta de navidad at our house.

It was a great trip, and I really want to go back and try some of the other, smaller, wineries. Let me know if you want some! Maybe I'll become an exporter...

The Art of Translation

15 December, 13

My neighbor, Juan, is a native Alberceñan. He knows everything about this area, almost as well as Julio, but not quite. He has been telling me about several wineries in Murcia, in an area called Jumilla. Spain has a great reputation for wines, especially in Rioja and Ribera del Duero, so I was eager to check it out. We were supposed to go last Friday, but he asked if I could come over to his house to help him with something else first. So of course I was happy to oblige.

It turns out his aunt is a very well-respected art restorer. She is currently working on a Diego Velázquez portrait of King Felipe IV, of Spain, dating from 1623. A museum in Australia is looking to buy it for $1,500,000. She sent a proposal to them for completing the restoration, including an English translation. They sent the proposal back, saying the translation stunk. That's where I came into the picture.

Juan showed me what had been previously sent, and I was shocked. It was awful. Evidently, nobody is available in all of Spain to translate documents.

Juan and I sat at his computer and reworked the entire proposal. I started with Google Translate as an easy way to establish a foundation. Then I refined it, so that it would make sense. The biggest problem was in describing some very technical aspects of art, about which, I know nothing.

For example, the proposal included a description of x-rays and chemical analysis already performed on the painting, as a way of verifying its authenticity. The English translation said the first coat on the canvas was dirt and carbon. Maybe that is true, but I don't think so. We added some real technical sounding words, like organic soil compound.

If the picture ends up selling, I am looking for a 10% cut. We'll see.

I have also edited a friend's webpage. He has a very successful multi-national sign business, but his English version web page stunk. It took me about 20 minutes.

It is amazing to me how prevalent this problem is. I am starting to see opportunity...

Oh, The Places You'll Go!

10 December, 13

All good things must come to an end. On Tuesday, it was time to say, "Au revoir!" to the City of Lights. That term is used when you plan to see someone again, so I think it is very appropriate. We will definitely be back one day.

I started thinking about all of our experiences so far. We have been in Spain since August 29. That is 109 days. So what have we accomplished in our first 100 days?

• Found a great apartment
• Started school
• Obtained a car
• Completed our Residency Visa requirements
• Started learning a foreign language
• Taught English classes
• Learned new sports
• Learned new art forms
• Developed independence in our girls
• Eaten some crazy foods
• Demonstrated that we could survive, and even thrive, in another country
• Overcome great adversity
• Hosted the first Thanksgiving celebrations in La Alberca (I think)
• Hosted several other parties
• Started writing
• Found a church
• Made deep and lasting friendships
• Traveled to:
• Granada
• Granadilla
• Cartagena
• Valencia
• Murcia
• Velez Rubio
• La Manga
• Paris

I think I can safely say that we have gone there and back again, as Bilbo Baggins might say. We still have a long way to go. 

What is next:

• Nail down Spanish
• Travel more
• Barcelona
• Madrid
• Seville
• England/Ireland/Scotland
• Italy
• Germany
• Portugal
• Greece
• Start working (we have several opportunities right now)

The Christmas break is approaching, and with it, we will travel back to the USA for some much needed time with family and friends. We are all excited about it.The girls have kept a countdown for about a month. 

My mama gave me Oh, the Places You'll Go! , by Dr. Seuss, when I graduated college. Aside from the plastic lawn mower my Aunt Marilyn gave me, that was the best graduation present ever. I have lived by the words in that book. 

Oh, the Places You'll Go! 

Congratulations! 
Today is your day. 
You're off to Great Places! 
You're off and away! 

You have brains in your head. 
You have feet in your shoes 
You can steer yourself 
any direction you choose. 
You're on your own. And you know what you know. 
And YOU are the guy who'll decide where to go. 

You'll look up and down streets. Look 'em over with care. 
About some you will say, "I don't choose to go there." 
With your head full of brains and your shoes full of feet, 
you're too smart to go down any not-so-good street. 

And you may not find any 
you'll want to go down. 
In that case, of course, 
you'll head straight out of town. 

It's opener there 
in the wide open air. 

Out there things can happen 
and frequently do 
to people as brainy 
and footsy as you. 

And when things start to happen, 
don't worry. Don't stew. 
Just go right along. 
You'll start happening too. 

OH! 
THE PLACES YOU'LL GO! 

You'll be on your way up! 
You'll be seeing great sights! 
You'll join the high fliers 
who soar to high heights. 

You won't lag behind, because you'll have the speed. 
You'll pass the whole gang and you'll soon take the lead. 
Wherever you fly, you'll be the best of the best. 
Wherever you go, you will top all the rest. 

Except when you don' t 
Because, sometimes, you won't. 

I'm sorry to say so 
but, sadly, it's true 
and Hang-ups 
can happen to you. 

You can get all hung up 
in a prickle-ly perch. 
And your gang will fly on. 
You'll be left in a Lurch. 

You'll come down from the Lurch 
with an unpleasant bump. 
And the chances are, then, 
that you'll be in a Slump. 

And when you're in a Slump, 
you're not in for much fun. 
Un-slumping yourself 
is not easily done. 

You will come to a place where the streets are not marked. 
Some windows are lighted. But mostly they're darked. 
A place you could sprain both you elbow and chin! 
Do you dare to stay out? Do you dare to go in? 
How much can you lose? How much can you win? 

And IF you go in, should you turn left or right... 
or right-and-three-quarters? Or, maybe, not quite? 
Or go around back and sneak in from behind? 
Simple it's not, I'm afraid you will find, 
for a mind-maker-upper to make up his mind. 

You can get so confused 
that you'll start in to race 
down long wiggled roads at a break-necking pace 
and grind on for miles across weirdish wild space, 
headed, I fear, toward a most useless place. 
The Waiting Place... 

...for people just waiting. 
Waiting for a train to go 
or a bus to come, or a plane to go 
or the mail to come, or the rain to go 
or the phone to ring, or the snow to snow 
or waiting around for a Yes or a No 
or waiting for their hair to grow. 
Everyone is just waiting. 

Waiting for the fish to bite 
or waiting for wind to fly a kite 
or waiting around for Friday night 
or waiting, perhaps, for their Uncle Jake 
or a pot to boil, or a Better Break 
or a sting of pearls, or a pair of pants 
or a wig with curls, or Another Chance. 
Everyone is just waiting. 

NO! 
That's not for you! 

Somehow you'll escape 
all that waiting and staying. 
You'll find the bright places 
where Boom Bands are playing. 

With banner flip-flapping, 
once more you'll ride high! 
Ready for anything under the sky. 
Ready because you're that kind of a guy! 

Oh, the places you'll go! There is fun to be done! 
There are points to be scored. there are games to be won. 
And the magical things you can do with that ball 
will make you the winning-est winner of all. 
Fame! You'll be famous as famous can be, 
with the whole wide world watching you win on TV. 

Except when they don't. 
Because, sometimes, they won't. 

I'm afraid that some times 
you'll play lonely games too. 
Games you can't win 
'cause you'll play against you. 

All Alone! 
Whether you like it or not, 
Alone will be something 
you'll be quite a lot. 

And when you're alone, there's a very good chance 
you'll meet things that scare you right out of your pants. 
There are some, down the road between hither and yon, 
that can scare you so much you won't want to go on. 

But on you will go 
though the weather be foul 
On you will go 
though your enemies prowl 
On you will go 
though the Hakken-Kraks howl 
Onward up many 
a frightening creek, 
though your arms may get sore 
and your sneakers may leak. 

On and on you will hike 
and I know you'll hike far 
and face up to your problems 
whatever they are. 

You'll get mixed up, of course, 
as you already know. 
You'll get mixed up 
with many strange birds as you go. 
So be sure when you step. 
Step with care and great tact 
and remember that Life's 
a Great Balancing Act. 
Just never forget to be dexterous and deft. 
And never mix up your right foot with your left. 

And will you succeed? 
Yes! You will, indeed! 
(98 and 3 / 4 percent guaranteed.) 

KID, YOU'LL MOVE MOUNTAINS! 

So... 
be your name Buxbaum or Bixby or Bray 
or Mordecai Ali Van Allen O'Shea, 
you're off to Great Places! 
Today is your day! 
Your mountain is waiting. 
So...get on your way!