10 March, 14
When we decided to move to Spain, we really had
no idea what we were about to do. Moving to a different town is difficult.
Moving to another continent is ridiculous. If somebody could have told me ahead
of time some things I needed to know, it would have made the transition much
easier, so I am carrying it forward and writing a Top 10 on how to survive as
an expat.
- Learn the language as fast as you
can. Susan and
I enrolled in free classes given by the local government. They were very
good, but only two times a week. We opted to add more intensive lessons,
which can be a little costly. The tradeoff, however, has been a dramatic
improvement in our Spanish skills. After only six weeks, we can have
decent conversations with people on a variety of subjects. In addition, we
have made several new friends from China, Brazil, Poland and Germany.
- Be humble. There is a God, and you are
not it. Make fun of yourself, not them. If a stranger came into your house
and immediately started criticizing the way it looked, how dirty it was
and your obvious lack of taste in furniture, you would be rightly
offended. That is what it feels like to a native, when an expat tells them
their streets are dirty or their cuisine is inferior. Nobody invited you
to come and give a report on the status of their country. If you don't
like it, leave.
- Zip your lip. I am sure that you were
appointed by President Fillintheblank to be his economic
and political adviser, but the citizens of your new country really don't
want to hear what you have to say. You are an ambassador for the entire
country. It is fine, even expected, for you to be proud and passionate
about your country, but they don't want to hear about it. When people ask
you what you think about the President, tell them you haven't met him yet,
but hope to one day. If you can't even order food at a restaurant without
using a translator, how in the world are you going to explain democracy or
fiscal policy? Keep your opinions to yourself, unless they flatter
your new country and neighbors. Think about it.
- Don't play the comparison game. The number one way to make
people hate you is to compare them to your home country. Believe it or
not, they are just as proud of their country and culture as you are of
yours. Praise them for anything you can find. Where I live, they are very
proud of their fruits and vegetables. I rave over their tomatoes and
oranges. Now it is rare that we ever pay for oranges, as a friend gives us
a big sackful whenever we need it. Be a sponge, not a hose.
- Stop looking for McDonald's and
Starbucks. In
fact, stop looking for any chain stores and restaurants. The local shop
owners are your neighbors, and some of them will become your friends. If
you want to experience the true culture of a new country, don't waste your
time going to some place that you already know. Hamburgers at a fast food
restaurant really do taste just as bad here as they do everywhere else.
When you go to a chain, you are making an implicit statement that you
don't like the host country's food or culture.
- Shop local. Eat local. Play local. Even if you live in a major
metropolis, you can confine your daily routines to a small number of shops
and restaurants, at least for the first six months. You will be surprised
at the faces that you begin to recognize and the relationships you make. I
know all the employees at the local grocer and butcher shop. They share
photos of their children with me. Sometimes I get free stuff or extra cuts
of meat. Even the customers recognize me and say hello on the
street.
- Participate in everything. If there's a festival, go.
If they invite you to attend some event, do it. I just finished an
incredible weekend with 50 strangers. One of them had invited me to a pig
processing day, where they made sausage and various other dishes. Some of
the creations would not have been on my plate in a normal setting, but I
tried everything. I now have 50 friends and a wider palette.
- Sign up for classes. My wife is developing a
great artistic talent that lay too long dormant by taking watercolor
and pyrography classes. In addition, she is meeting people and
learning the language. Susan is more shy and timid than I am, so a relaxed
classroom atmosphere, with a shared focus gives her a safe way to
interact.
- Learn to laugh at yourself. I quickly learned every
Spanish cuss word in the book. By accident. It is very dangerous to order
cuts of meat at the butcher shop, because many of their "dirty
words" are closely related to meat. Whenever I order, everyone gets
quiet, so they can hear what I say next. Every time there is a roar of
laughter, I know I hit a zinger. Instead of getting angry or embarrassed,
I have learned to laugh along with them.
- Offer to teach English free. Most people in the world
would love to learn English. In Spain, the children have a decent base
from school, so they can read and write, and American movies and music
dominate the screens and radios. All most people need is conversation.
This is a great way to meet people and develop friendships. We are
certainly not qualified as English teachers, but we can ask them to write
and speak about their perfect mate or Utopia.
As I finished writing this list, I realized that
it would probably work in a move across town just as well as a move to another
country. We all yearn to know and be known. When we realize that we need to
listen more than we speak, we will grow and develop into the kinds of people
that are worthy of the title, "Friend".
