How to Survive as an Expat

10 March, 14

When we decided to move to Spain, we really had no idea what we were about to do. Moving to a different town is difficult. Moving to another continent is ridiculous. If somebody could have told me ahead of time some things I needed to know, it would have made the transition much easier, so I am carrying it forward and writing a Top 10 on how to survive as an expat.

1. Learn the language as fast as you can. Susan and I enrolled in free classes given by the local government. They were very good, but only two times a week. We opted to add more intensive lessons, which can be a little costly. The tradeoff, however, has been a dramatic improvement in our Spanish skills. After only six weeks, we can have decent conversations with people on a variety of subjects. In addition, we have made several new friends from China, Brazil, Poland and Germany.
2. Be humble. There is a God, and you are not it. Make fun of yourself, not them. If a stranger came into your house and immediately started criticizing the way it looked, how dirty it was and your obvious lack of taste in furniture, you would be rightly offended. That is what it feels like to a native, when an expat tells them their streets are dirty or their cuisine is inferior. Nobody invited you to come and give a report on the status of their country. If you don't like it, leave.
3. Zip your lip. I am sure that you were appointed by President Fillintheblank to be his economic and political adviser, but the citizens of your new country really don't want to hear what you have to say. You are an ambassador for the entire country. It is fine, even expected, for you to be proud and passionate about your country, but they don't want to hear about it. When people ask you what you think about the President, tell them you haven't met him yet, but hope to one day. If you can't even order food at a restaurant without using a translator, how in the world are you going to explain democracy or fiscal policy? Keep your opinions to yourself, unless they flatter your new country and neighbors. Think about it.
   
4. Don't play the comparison game. The number one way to make people hate you is to compare them to your home country. Believe it or not, they are just as proud of their country and culture as you are of yours. Praise them for anything you can find. Where I live, they are very proud of their fruits and vegetables. I rave over their tomatoes and oranges. Now it is rare that we ever pay for oranges, as a friend gives us a big sackful whenever we need it. Be a sponge, not a hose.
5. Stop looking for McDonald's and Starbucks. In fact, stop looking for any chain stores and restaurants. The local shop owners are your neighbors, and some of them will become your friends. If you want to experience the true culture of a new country, don't waste your time going to some place that you already know. Hamburgers at a fast food restaurant really do taste just as bad here as they do everywhere else. When you go to a chain, you are making an implicit statement that you don't like the host country's food or culture.
6. Shop local. Eat local. Play local. Even if you live in a major metropolis, you can confine your daily routines to a small number of shops and restaurants, at least for the first six months. You will be surprised at the faces that you begin to recognize and the relationships you make. I know all the employees at the local grocer and butcher shop. They share photos of their children with me. Sometimes I get free stuff or extra cuts of meat. Even the customers recognize me and say hello on the street. 
7. Participate in everything. If there's a festival, go. If they invite you to attend some event, do it. I just finished an incredible weekend with 50 strangers. One of them had invited me to a pig processing day, where they made sausage and various other dishes. Some of the creations would not have been on my plate in a normal setting, but I tried everything. I now have 50 friends and a wider palette.
8. Sign up for classes. My wife is developing a great artistic talent that lay too long dormant by taking watercolor and pyrography classes. In addition, she is meeting people and learning the language. Susan is more shy and timid than I am, so a relaxed classroom atmosphere, with a shared focus gives her a safe way to interact.
9. Learn to laugh at yourself. I quickly learned every Spanish cuss word in the book. By accident. It is very dangerous to order cuts of meat at the butcher shop, because many of their "dirty words" are closely related to meat. Whenever I order, everyone gets quiet, so they can hear what I say next. Every time there is a roar of laughter, I know I hit a zinger. Instead of getting angry or embarrassed, I have learned to laugh along with them. 
10. Offer to teach English free. Most people in the world would love to learn English. In Spain, the children have a decent base from school, so they can read and write, and American movies and music dominate the screens and radios. All most people need is conversation. This is a great way to meet people and develop friendships. We are certainly not qualified as English teachers, but we can ask them to write and speak about their perfect mate or Utopia.

As I finished writing this list, I realized that it would probably work in a move across town just as well as a move to another country. We all yearn to know and be known. When we realize that we need to listen more than we speak, we will grow and develop into the kinds of people that are worthy of the title, "Friend". 

One Month In

30 September, 13

Yesterday marked one month in Spain. It feels like one year. Since we arrived, we have done the following:

• Spent a week at the beach with Julio, Toñi, Julia and Alvaro. We needed that to unwind from the frenzy of moving.
• Spent a week in front of some government employee or other. I will be writing about waiting soon. You'll have to wait for it.
• Spent a week coordinating school and finding a place to live. Our time in Ikea is another post.
• Spent a week working through the kinks of school.

As I write this, I am amazed at how neat and tidy that looks, because in reality, it was more like a hockey game, and we were the puck.

School has been an up in the air question since Day One. Our original intent was to put them in the same school as Julia. It has a bilingual, really trilingual, track and a sturdy curriculum. Then we thought home-schooling would be great, because it would allow us the freedom to travel the rest of Europe. We got excited about that, but when we arrived, our friend in the school system told us that wouldn't fly in Spain. So we were back to public school, Instituto De Educación Secundaria (ies) Alquibla. 

When I attended the parent meeting for 7th graders, I learned that parents and school administrators are pretty much the same anywhere in the world. The administrators sit up front and talk a lot about nothing. Then the parents ask all the questions the administrators didn't think about. Then, "What about my little Juan? Why can't he..." "Well, Señora Lopez, your little Juan stole the sacapunta and destroyed a classroom with chili powder last year, so we don't think he would be a good fit for this class." Blah, blah, blah.

Katherine's class is using Samsung tablets. All of her assignments are virtual. I have to admit that I am pretty impressed so far. Her English teacher, however, speaks horrible English. Katherine almost asked her to just speak Spanish, as it would be easier to misunderstand. She even corrected Katherine's English one time, saying it was incorrect. I told Katherine to just give her the bird and smile next time. They don't use that sign here.

Elizabeth seems to be content with doing the minimum in her classes. She is relying on friends to tell her what is happening in class, and they normally respond with, "Nothing. You're good." I have made her start to translate her books into English, much to her chagrin.

Susan's back went out in Week 3. All the way out. Susan has an incredible pain tolerance. When she says she hurts, that would normally be dead for other people. She was weeping in agony from the pain and could get no relief from any position. We have been applying heat and ice, TENS machine and drugs to get it under control. We are also on our third set of mattresses. It is finally getting better.

Meanwhile, I am living the Life of Reilly. I have taken much of the cooking/cleaning/shopping duties, which is fine. I write in the mornings, shop during the day and ride bikes with friends in the afternoon. Totally unfair.

All of us have had Homesick Meltdowns somewhere along the line over the past month. Katherine, the cuddle in my lap child, wouldn't even look at me the other day. She was mad. Her big issue is that she is a perfectionist, and being here really screws that up. She is working so hard to get on top. She will make it and be better for it. Katherine is putting a headlock on this challenge, and I promise, Spain will tap out before it's over with. After her meltdown, we got back to cuddling again, too.

Elizabeth still won't tell me she loves me, except on my birthday, which was last week. It's her way of punishing me. She continues to be affectionate. We laugh and play, like always, but when I say, "I love you", she remembers that she is supposed to punish me. She has made many friends and seems to be adjusting well. As soon as she gets her mind right about work, she will soar in this environment.

Susan has been a little depressed, mainly because she has been imprisoned by pain. She can't really leave the house, because walking was out of the question. That is changing now, however. We spent a couple of hours in Ikea the other day, and she was OK for that. Susan will find her niche with a couple of ladies and begin to spread her special brand of love. If you are a friend of Susan's, you know exactly what I mean.

Meanwhile, I am living the Life of Reilly. My ultimate goal is to begin a Stop Hunger Now affiliate in Spain. I need to learn Spanish and identify some key leaders to get that started. I am well on my way in both departments. 

So, onto the next month. What in the world will that bring?